MOTIVATION
Nearly three years ago Bob had a dream - a nightmare, really -  that we weren't able to go on a mission because of my weight. I panicked and got busy, started a med/diet/exercise plan and lost over 30 pounds in about 8 months. I lost motivation after a vacation and some other things, but kept most of the weight off for almost a year. BUT - it's back. All of it. I had my knee replaced, so I can walk and exercise easier. I am on a CPAP machine at night for sleep apnea, and having better sleep at night is supposed to make for better metabolism and easier weight loss. I hate my wardrobe, but cannot justify buying anything new in my current size.

    So, here we go again. I MUST loose 100 pounds.
PRO - 1) postpone or prevent Type II diabetes, which I am genetically geared to get. 2) I have perfect blood pressure and cholesterol - and I want to keep it that way. 3) I want to go on a mission with Bob - which means being able to walk, stand and travel easily. 4) I want to be able to play with my grandkids and get up and down on the floor with them. 5) I would love to be able to hike with Bob again. 6) I want to live longer and do so much more traveling and spending time with my family. 7) I don't want to have to do a stomach by-pass surgery - I want to do this the right way.

PRO-BLEMS - 1) I love food. I eat for the tastes and textures and flavors and comforts of food. 2) I have little or no self control - if it's available I eat it. 3) I enjoy water exercise when I get there, and there are oodles of times and days available in both Ephraim and Gunnison indoor pools for arthritis, water aerobics and fitness water classes,  but I hate going, changing in and out of a swim suit, coming home getting dressed again. 4) I should just go over to the church and start walking every morning. Mornings are the best time. But I don't want to go alone. I know there are some people that do it already, but I don't know who they are.
5) I should be going to physical therapy office three days a week and using their bender machine for knee, squat board for knee and exercise, and stationary bike. It's at 2 in the afternoons, and I often forget, or am busy,etc. 6) I have had success with Weight Watchers before, but the only local meetings are on Tuesday nights and ...... THESE ARE ALL EXCUSES, AND I KNOW THAT.

PLAN -  1) Talked to Dr. today and am on a safe appetite suppressant for a month by month trial. I have to weigh in every week, and have a progress appointment every month.  2) I am committed to log all foods on fitday.com, which worked last time for me. 3) I will go to therapy every MWF I am in town, starting today (even though it is snowing). 4) I will find a support group that goes to the pool and make them make me go. 5) I will stop the unhealthy eating habits I have when I travel - which are many - and make snacks, meals, etc at home before I go and be satisfied with what I take. 6) I will pray for help with my self control. 7) I will plan meals a week at a time and buy only what I need. (plus food storage, etc stuff). 8) I will post a weight graph on the fridge as a reminder, and so I am accountable to anyone who goes in my kitchen. 9) I will report here on this blog my progress.

Anyone who reads this is welcome to ask about, comment, encourage, and scold me. This is the last time I am going to be this weight. EVER.

WAITING IMPATIENTLY
      I had my knee replaced Aug. 21. That was 4 weeks ago today. I knew recovery was going to be work. I planned on that. I started doing the post-op knee exercises last March, with the idea that if my muscles and tendons were already stretched and tightened in the right way, regaining that would be easier. I believe it has worked. Goal for extension (straightening the leg) is 0 degrees. I accomplished that at 3 1/2 weeks. Goal for flexion, or bending the knee is 120 degrees, and I was 117 yesterday. So that part is going really well. I walk around the circle in my house 2-3 times a day. I sit up for meals and at the computer for a short while every day. but so far can't tolerate more than about 1 1/2 hours at a time. I started Cubs and GS last week, in my house (cause I can't drive yet) and have learned that I need to wear the support stocking when I'm up, and when my knee starts to ache, I have to lie down. That wasn't one of the things I had been prepared for - being in bed so much!  I knew I had to use the walker for 6 weeks - to give the bones time to grow into the prosthesis - but I didn't know I would be DOWN for so long.
      The kids have been so good to come see me in the hospital, come down to help me here at the house, Skype and call, and it means a lot. I am really pretty helpless. I can't clear the table or help much with food prep.  Bob has been a wonder. He does the laundry and brings it to the bed and we fold and put it away. He does all the cooking. Every morning we get up early so he can help me get in and then out of the shower. He gets ready while I get dressed and do my exercises. He helps me with the exercises I need help with, then gets breakfast for us. He fills my ice machine (cold pack) and makes sure I have crackers and water by my bed, etc, and goes to work.
     The ward has been providing someone to come from 11 am to 1:30 pm every weekday. They help me with small things around the house, get me lunch, and help with my exercises.  Then I nap. Then either Vista or Makenna come at 3:30 to do some housework, and "babysit" me until Bob gets home. They get their homework done, and that works well. On Tues and Thursday I have scouts at 3:30, so I have some adults here to help me.  It is working.
     Brent Rasmussen comes 3 times a week in the morning to do physical therapy, and I think next week it will be at his office MWF afternoons. I think I will ask the ladies that signed up to help me mid day if they will come at noon, get lunch, then drive me to Ephraim for physical therapy.  So maybe 12-2:30 or something.
     So. Lots of time on my hands. Read some books, did paperwork for scouts, phone calls, movies. I should start baby Elizabeth's Christmas stocking. Maybe I'll get M/om to help me with that.
      Bob has taken me out in the car a few times, just so I can smell "real air". I love it. Soon I will be able to get onto the porch myself (stairs are not doable by myself yet) and I can sit out there for a while and enjoy "real air" and watch the autumn come.
      So, I'm glad I did the knee - I have great hopes for it. And I know I am making progress, even if it's taking a slightly different turn than I anticipated. So, God is in His heaven, and all's right with the world..
    

ON LIVING
I am having my right knee replaced on Tuesday. I am excited, but mostly I am terrified. I feel my mortality. I told some one recently that although I sometimes feel my age, I seldom act my age. Today I am old.

Bob and I and three parents took 10 of my Girl Scouts to Arches where they hiked up to Delicate Arch. It was a lot a driving, but the girls had a wonderful time. A dad who went with us told me today he doesn't know how I do it - work with those girls every week. I told him I love it - it rejuvenates me to be around children. I think it's because those girls are full of chatter and excitement and fun ideas. They are embarking on the journey to young womanhood. I love being a part of it.

Rebekah gave birth to beautiful Elizabeth Kate three weeks ago. I had a cold and could only see her for an hour or so, but went back last week and spent a couple days. Adaliah is so happy with her little sister, and Rebekah and Pete are wonderful parents.Elizabeth has lots of dark hair and loves to cuddle.

I am proud of all my children. They are learning and growing, taking on church callings, jobs, parenthood, responsibilities, and doing well.  I rejoice in their triumphs and successes, and cry with them over their disappointments and trials.I got to watch Karen dance a couple of months ago - at the recital of the school she is teaching at. It was great to see her dance  - and then we found out she had injured herself earlier that day and danced on a torn knee ligament. She had surgery a couple weeks later, and is doing really well.  James is negotiating for a new job that will mean less travel and more time home with Cami and the boys. Anne and Mike drove out from Maryland, sightseeing and camping, to be at our family reunion and pick up Caleb, who had been staying with us. Hannah and Miriam had been here the month previous. It was so good to be with those kids!  Ned and Kim are staying in Ogden, where she starts this week teaching special needs classes and Ned is home with Alice. Alice is such a beauty, and although she is a little leery of strangers, has a smile that lights up my heart.  David and Erin are working and involved in ultimate, Star Wars, photography, and adding spontaneous fun to their work-a-day lives. Erin is in a production of "Persuassion" that I hope I will be well enough to go see. Mary and Aaron, Lily and Quinn have moved into Pete and Bekah's newly completed basement apartment. My hope is that they will be a help to each other. Dali and Lily love to play together.


I haven't blogged because I just haven't had anything much to say. I can't think of anything witty or amusing, and yet my life has been passing undocumented. I will get better at this again.

CHANGE

Mindy, a nurse in Bob's office, found a wonderful location full of Monarch butterfly caterpillars, and started collecting them for friends, family and for my Scouts. We watched one with wonder, go through the process from caterpillar to chrysalis to butterfly. Then she brought me 14, and some went to Girl Scouts, some to Cubs, one to Mary, and I have 3 left here. I took some pictures. It is magical.












The caterpillar eats himself out of several sizes of skins, then connects himself to the top with a button of silk and hangs upside down in a J shape for several hours. Then the skin splits at the back of the head and he wriggles and twists and expands himself to move the skin off and up and out of the way. It usually falls to the ground - a misshapen little black pile. What remains is beautiful and breathtaking . The chrysalis turns pale green with a crown of "jewels" across the back and spots of golden jewels elsewhere. But the real magic happens after a week to 10 days. The little shriveled butterfly breaks the thin shell and climbs out. It hangs on to the shell while it slowly pumps fluid into it's tiny wings - expanding them more than 4 times their size. Then, it flies.

The natural man is like that caterpillar. Slow, concerned only with the daily necessity to survive. Eating, moving slowly from leaf to leaf. But then it feels this urge to go higher - to become something else. In life, when we give ourselves to Christ, when we are willing to be broken and bridled, we change. We become beautiful. Unlike the chrysalis, we need to be busy during this stage too - busy in service, busy in learning, busy in good works. But while we wait and change, still tethered to the earth, we know there is something even better waiting for us. And when that day comes, when we are loosed from this mortal shell, we will find our wings and soar.


(These last pictures aren't mine - I will post if I get ones as good as these!)